There’s something happening, not sure why but there’s a definite ‘something’ in the air. Could it be connected to a slight chink in our economic model of runaway consumption and fewer opportunities to ‘spend money we don’t have on stuff we can’t afford to impress people we don’t know’. Whilst the situation of slowing consumer demand is a politician’s nightmare, it can be an opportunity for some of us to stand back and take a breath and maybe reflect. Are we on a treadmill of external forces or are we taking charge of the way we’re living and the resources we’re consuming?

Just as important is ‘where is the joy’ in our lives once we reduce the quick-buzz of buying stuff, or going to work in order to get more dosh to consume yet more stuff? Being able to access feelings of joy and fun in our private lives is fairly taken for granted, but I’m having more and more conversations with people wanting to experience those feelings at work or in their business. Maybe long hours, trying to manage constant change, disappointment and stress in colleagues, and yet still to keep going and urge better performance in others, is taking its toll.

the treadmill gets a bit much sometimes

It’s difficult sometimes to retain a sense of perspective and importantly, a sense of self, of who you really are underneath all that ‘stuff of living’. Many of you are required to be pass-masters of organisational change and transition and yet struggle to stay grounded and not be swept away by feelings of negativity and helplessness. And believe me, even what I would call highly successful people are not always feeling the satisfaction they are entitled feel, and sometimes ask “what’s all the hard work for?”.

I don’t think the answer is complicated. We just don’t allow ourselves enough ‘down-time’ where we not only stop buying, consuming and doing stuff, but we also stop thinking stuff. At the heart of all of us is an innate human ability to feel peace and contentment but it’s mostly drowned out by the busy-ness of life and work pressures.

Top Tips

Being fulfilled leads to its own contentment and joy, and self-knowledge helps guide you in making the right choices in life, business or your career. So I ask the question, how well do you know yourself?

Have a look at the diagram below and see how much information you could fill in for “The Map of Who You Are”:

how connected are you, to YOU?

So after looking at the diagram, could you answer the following questions:

1. Have you a relatively full picture of what makes you tick? Remember that your psychometric profile remains pretty much unchanged throughout your life, but your motivational map will change with circumstances and so might the maps of the people you work with. Do you understand yours and theirs, and where might there be room to build empathy and understanding instead of conflict and stress? There’s a thought!
2. Do you have an understanding of what keeps you grounded if anything? It’s great to rely on family and friends but sometimes that’s not enough and what you might find useful is to build the ‘core-of-who-you-are-and-what-you-believe-in-and-what-you-bring-to-the-world’, and hold that core inside of yourself. It’s also sometimes essential for folks, even in senior roles, to have their own ‘safe-selfish-space’ – maybe a professional coach or mentor – where they can outwardly express and deal with their own private anxieties. Sometimes partners and spouses don’t want to know!
3. Do you have a bit of structure in your head to keep you going? Finding time to reflect and focus on what you are already good at doesn’t imply complacency but rather an opportunity to give thanks for your achievements to date and to be positive about yourself. It also helps to look forward to new learning opportunities based on what you feel you want to achieve in the world (linking back to your values, ethics and beliefs, and of course, your motivational map). Most of all do you allow yourself to connect with your Soul’s Intelligence by relaxing and emptying your mind of immediate demands, even if only for 5 minutes every day. You’d be surprised at the difference it will make.

Joy is a smile away!

And finally, here’s a quick route for experiencing some easy joy from the lovely Barbara Glanz (honestly, it’s easy but it might take time to get used to it):

• Search for the special gift each person brings to your workplace.

• Thank people every chance you get.

• Focus on what is going right.

• Be contagiously enthusiastic about the importance of your work.

• Even if you are not happy in your job, you can still find glimpses of joy.

You can read Barbara’s full article here.

Remember, give thanks at the end of every day and ponder this, what you give out you get back in bucket loads in many and mysterious ways!

EnJOY!

I’ve had this silly aspiration to see if he and I could reach a particular score in the niche western sport of Reining. Once achieved we could both put a huge notch in our ‘belts’ and relax a bit, especially given his advanced years (17 is quite old for a horse in competition terms). It’s been an almost impossible task as him and I came into the sport as novices, very late, about 5 years ago, but I’ve graduated through a range of trainers until I found the best, I’ve studied and practiced (in less than ideal conditions and on a limited budget) and above all, focused on small steps of gradual improvement.

in harmony, and going for it!

It all suddenly came together in March this year and we achieved what has felt like lifetime achievement. I cannot describe that feeling – it was one of those rare moments when years of training and learning, of being challenged and trying, seem to come together in one lightning rod of time.

But that wasn’t the breakthrough moment. That came about more recently when I came across an article in Psychology Today which talked about two kinds of goals, there are the:

• “get-better goals” where the focus is on improving your ability and skills, where there’s room for mistakes and experimentation, and the

• “be-good goals” where the focus is on demonstrating or proving, if you like, just how great you already are.

reach for your goals... and beyond

I’ve been in the “get-better goal” mindset for years. I’ve invested in my ongoing learning, made loads of mistakes and continually picked myself up and brushed myself off in the good times and bad. Screwing up has been a great opportunity to review one’s thoughts and feelings, and to find another way around the challenge whether in relationships, sport or in one’s chosen career.

I realised that I am now in danger of slipping from my “get-better” mindset in the sport of Reining into a “be-good” one… and that means new and present dangers. I might now be tempted into feeling that I have to justify just how good me and Ché are, and that leads to anxiety and uncertainty (trying to stay near the top of the leader board carries its own pressures). As the Psychology Today article states, “Countless studies have shown that nothing interferes with your performance quite like anxiety does – it is the goal-killer.” The pressure to prove oneself leads to far more mistakes, and morale and performance can falter as a result.

Top Tip

Never be afraid to invest in your own learning and development, it can and will change your life!

And, if like me, you’re in danger of getting trapped in the “be-good” mindset, then think about how you can adopt a “get-better” mindset instead. Life’s a journey and the achievement of big goals help you put shiny pins in your map but know this… there are always other hills and valleys to explore.

no dead ends, just fabulous possibilities

So lighten up, don’t try and be perfect where you are, but rather be an explorer on your life’s journey.

For those of you interested in knowing more about the exciting sport of Reining, click on the video here:

Read the Psychology Today article here:

No.9 Bus about to arrive... again!

And it’s a bit weird how these come along like No.9 buses, either all at once or not at all. Recently these themes or ‘challenges’ have included managing increasingly competing priorities, getting a ‘balanced life’, handling stress, and developing a credible business exit. But when I think about it, as the recession continues to bite most of us are having to dig deep to find those ‘resilience resources’ that will enable us to keep going, and to continue being effective in what we do.

However, one of the most frequent ‘No.9 buses’ recently has been unwanted negative emotions that rear their ugly heads in a range of contexts – for instance the thought of presenting to the Board, colleagues or to a bigger ‘audience’. Some of my clients are also experiencing a temptation to exclude others from vital information sharing and be uncharacteristically ‘competitive’ in order to gain a real or imagined ‘edge’ in the workplace. Another felt ashamed and embarrassed about their feelings about a particularly challenging business colleague, strong emotions left unspoken and festering, but temporarily soothed by a quick cigarette out back.

I even had someone tell me very confidently that these strong negative feelings served to guide them in all they do, that they were an authentic inner sign to ‘stay away’ from certain situations or people. I tried to keep a straight face but I couldn’t help grinning. I’d thought like that until fairly recently but now I know it’s my brain monkeying around in my head, and that there’s always an alternative to ‘the truth we think we feel’.

cheeky, potentially harmful chappie

Imagine this, we can learn to change our minds and change our negative feelings too.

So back to the book I can’t wait to read called “The Chimp Paradox” by Dr Steve Peters. Interestingly he’s a consultant psychiatrist who has worked in the clinical field of psychiatry for over 20 years, a ‘happy-clappy guru’ with a scientific basis to his thesis that we can all of us access more confidence, success and happiness.

I’d heard him on Radio 4’s Midweek back in February and pricked up my ears as what he seemed to be describing was a recurring phenomena in my clients (and in me!). He was saying that …“it’s never too late, even if you’ve gone down the wrong path, you can find your way back” from being negative, addictive, compulsive, or even depressed.

He reckoned folks experiencing lives going on the slide fall into 2 types: firstly those with a brain that is malfunctioning who are ill and possibly need medication, and secondly, those with a normal brain that is being allowed to literally run riot in that person’s life, with emotions and impulses that seem to have a life of their own.

He went onto explain that via MRI scanners research has demonstrated that we all of us have 7 or 8 thinking brains that interpret what we are experiencing in very different ways. And… think on this, apparently “… it depends which one of these brains get the power that then determines how we perceive our world to be.” This means simply that we have areas in the brain that decide to ‘think for us’ and that ‘we’ haven’t actually decided to think this way but rather our thoughts are being imposed upon us for a variety of reasons. Now here’s the thing, we can either go with them or reject them – we do have a choice.

Steve reckoned that this was a hard concept for his students to grasp so he decided to describe how our brains work as follows: put simply he explained that we are a combination of 3 brain elements:

1. HUMAN, sensible – able to judge situations and people and weigh them with experience
2. LITTLE CHIMP, a nightmare impulsive thing rattling around inside our heads
3. COMPUTER, storing stuff and experiences away for future reference

He described how the Little Chimp in us acts in a very defensive and paranoid way, chattering and acting out in each of us. However, if we take time out and calm down, our ‘human brain’ cuts in with a more rational analysis.

He gave an example of a politician hearing herself being made fun of on a comedy programme whilst driving home to her constituency:

your human + computer brain, give it a chance

• Computer, experienced and is largely in charge
• Chimp gets uppity and reacts like fire (outrage, blah, blah)
• Human tells the Chimp it’s OK it’s just part of the job of being a politician (it goes with the territory)

He challenges us not to deny our Little Chimp but to recognize and acknowledge its existence – when it’s playful, loving and adventurous it is really useful to us. But when it’s giving us negative involuntary thoughts, then we need to learn to recognise what’s going on and consciously manage them, and move on.

Hard eh – especially when the negative feelings and self-talk are charging about in your mind? But a question I frequently ask my coachees is “what happens when you take time out to find another way to look at the situation, or explore feeling differently about it?” And I give them my Phucket Bucket (given to me some years ago by my NLP trainer) as a very useful receptacle for emotional detritus. My Brain Chimp Brian goes in there regularly and only comes out once he’s agreed to behave himself.

What’s your Brain Chimp called? Mine’s Brian and I’ve learned to love him and take him with a large pinch of salt. Can’t wait to see what he makes of “The Chimp Paradox” by Dr Steve Peters!

Essentially there are two routes one can go to reinvigorate your business if you’re a niche player. Firstly by ensuring you have a well-thought out route to market and sales pipeline, and secondly by taking time out with your colleagues to define WHY you are in business in the first place.

The first set of actions are very much an intellectual exercise backed up with real data about the relevance of your products and services in a clearly defined market space (remember: you also need ‘intelligence’ about the activities of your competition). It might be useful to ask yourself the sorts of questions covered by Robert Craven in his book “Bright Marketing”:

• What problem are you solving?
• Who is your target market?
• Why do people buy your product or service at all?
• Why do people buy from you in particular?
• What benefits are you offering that your competition doesn’t?

get AIDA back, quick!

You can combine this with applying the AIDA model to your business which would also help you perfect that all too elusive ‘elevator pitch, especially important to those of us who network regularly. The AIDA model was invented in 1898 by the American advertising and sales pioneer, E St. Elmo Lewis. It’s a basic 4-stage process helps you or your sales staff motivate people to buy from you by building…

1. AWARENESS of the existence of your product or service
2. INTEREST in the clear benefits you provide
3. DESIRE for your product or service
4. ACTION to secure access to those benefits by buying from you

I’ve had a number of clients seeking my support in helping them clarify their ‘elevator pitch’ recently, especially important when you find yourself in a room full of businesses, some of who are in the same sector as yourself. It’s interesting that we are generally OK at saying WHO we are and describing WHAT we do and HOW we do it. However we are very poor at defining WHY we are in business and why we have faith in our ability to solve customers’ problems effectively.

And so to the second set of actions: these involve working out how to activate the AIDA model effectively and combining it with the WHY of what you do in order to stimulate people to buy from you. This involves more than a rational business school approach to marketing and sales activity planning.

explore a different feel to your business

Why? Well according to Simon Sinek, guru and TED-talker, it’s our ‘emotional’ rather than our ‘rational’ brain that makes the decision to purchase something. Having absolute clarity about the WHY… our values and beliefs we hold dear in business… helps to differentiate us from others who may be offering very similar products or services.

If these values and beliefs resonate with our target market, as well as translating into a more effective customer experience, then that in turn builds trust and loyalty… and in today’s climate having enthusiastic clients coming back for more is a life-saver.

Sinek has devised his Golden Circle as a way of capturing the implication of how our brains really do work, and how this can give us all a handle on our USP in a highly competitive market.

Have a look and see, let me know what you think.

2012 is a ‘leap year’ and today is leap day. 29 February is a time for not only our Gregorian calendar to catch up with the earth’s rotation, but also when women are ‘allowed’ to buck convention and propose to men. Perhaps today presents an even better opportunity, ie to think differently about what makes for a more fulfilled and successful life or career?

not good at 'tests'?

You might be like me, not a person who ever performed well at IQ tests. I failed my 11-plus exam and watched as more academically gifted friends went off to what seemed like the hallowed halls of grammar school whilst I went off to the hurly-burly of secondary modern education.

But research shows that IQ is not enough to determine success, that we humans operate a more complex set of ‘quotients’ including emotional and spiritual intelligence. The New Scientist recently featured an article that made me think about my slight ‘intellectual inferiority complex’: “Self-controlled people have better lives – but for the rest, lack of willpower is more like physical fatigue than moral failure”, says Professor of social psychology Roy Baumeister.

Self-control, otherwise known as ‘willpower’, unlike inherent IQ, can improve if we commit to strengthening our mental faculties. This apparently then improves our chances of success, whether tackling our by now flaccid New Year’s Resolutions or committing to act on ‘That Plan’ over which we’ve been laboring so long.

My life’s been a bit like the fable of “The Tortoise and the Hare”. It’s not exactly been a sprint of success but rather a plodding steady acquisition of training and achievement. I’ve worked from a wobbly base of questionable intellect to being really focused and have thus achieved a satisfying degree of success. So if you are willing to commit to achieving even small changes that take you toward your goals every day, have a passion for learning, can challenge yourself to move beyond your comfort zone, and can honestly reflect on the way you feel, behave and act, then great things can happen.

All of this helps develop your willpower, your self-control and your focus. Bit by bit you will realise that you can change the way your negative feelings overwhelm you, you can develop higher quality thinking skills, and can learn new and sometimes testing skills and behaviours.

Apparently Napoleon once said “victory belongs to the most persevering.” And one of the things that makes me marvel about being human, is that we all of us have such limitless possibilities, if we could but strengthen our mental and emotional muscles to see it!

will yourself to leap

Anyway, given that a leap day is the 60th day of the Gregorian calendar, you now have 306 days remaining until the end of the year… And what a year this could be for you. What could you do to strengthen your self-control and will to achieve?

Why not take the New Scientist willpower test, you won’t get feedback but the questions might act to raise your consciousness.

In the meantime, have a look at this video on the “Marshmallow Test”… absolutely hilarious. Imagine yourself as a child, what would you have done, and what could you do now that you’re an adult?

Let me know how you get on.